We’re Gonna Party Like It’s 19,999 B.C.
Filed under: Primitive Eye for the Civilized — Giulianna Maria Lamanna @ 7:00 AM
Yes, it is actually happening. They warned us of it last spring, and now the time is almost upon us. The Geico caveman officially has his own television show.
Now, mind you, it’s not the exact same caveman; the show revolves around three different caveman roommates, and though I hope they don’t spend most of their time responding to insulting Geico commercials in offended tones, their struggle to deal with anti-caveman prejudice will feature prominently in the series. And here’s a plus: according to their bios at ABC’s website, the cavemen are all from Pittsburgh! One, Nick Hedge, even graduated from Jason’s alma mater. However, the series begins shortly after their move to San Diego, so yinzers won’t have to suffer through another Queer as Folk-style fantasy Pittsburgh that’s really just a bizarre neighborhood in New York City where people for some reason feel the need to occasionally mention Ohio. (That is in stark contrast to the real New York City, where everyone knows that no other state matters, and really, most of the rest of New York State doesn’t matter either.)
While you wait to see if ABC can actually pull off a sitcom based on a series of commercials, check out this caveman fashion show at Maxim Online. This stylish “gentleman of leisure” proves yet again that even a supraorbital ridge can’t keep a Paleolithic fashionista from rockin’ a newsboy cap. Occipital bun, you say? More like occipital fun!
Naturally, I consider the appeal of this show to be an equal and opposite reaction to the inexplicable fad of furry boots. It began with the Ugg, a sheepskin boot whose very name admitted its hideousness but which exploded in popularity around 2003 and has stubbornly refused to subside into the shameful darkness of past fads along with neon shirts, parachute pants, and William Hung. On the contrary, Ugg imitators have chosen to expand and emphasize the most hideous aspects of the comparatively plain boot, sparking one blogger’s sympathy for the plight of the footless Yeti.
You know who else wore big, furry boots? Exactly. Friends, this happens all too often: just as an oppressed minority is beginning to assert its rights, the general public responds by ironically embracing the shallower elements of the minority’s subculture in what ultimately amounts not to acceptance, but to exploitation. In this case, let’s call it Cro-Magsploitation. And furry boots are just the tip of the rapidly-melting iceberg; fur in general is back in fashion. But unlike the hunter-gatherers of Ice Age Europe who personally killed animals and tanned their hides for necessary food and warmth, this new resurgence of fur is the same post-Neolithic story of animals living their whole lives in cramped cages, suffering deaths infinitely slower and more painful than the business end of an obsidian spear.
Ironically, fur continues to get more and more traction in the fashion world at the same time that concern for the environment—also vintage from the Paleolithic—is becoming a trendy cause. Green is the new black, with the important exception of fur-trimmed everything. Let’s see if this “green” fad lasts any longer than the 90’s-born anti-fur cause did. Remember: we need to stop global warming… primarily so all the cold-adapted animals will remain alive for us to torture and skin.
Now that’s something to piss off a caveman.
What?! There’s a New York State? I never heard of that when I lived in Manhattan. Jeez, people barely mentioned the fact that NYC had more than one borough, because, as we all know, the real NYC exists on a mere 12 miles of skinny island. Hell, I even knew people that wouldn’t cross a river for free sex, they looked down so much on the Bridge and Tunnel crowd. Me? I would have swum a river for free sex, but that’s a different story.
Brilliant. You’re fucking brilliant, Giuli. That line is as good as the post title.
And then, on the O.C., they pointed out that mukluks are the new uggs. Just another example of Cro-Magsploitation.
Snap!
Comment by Rix — 17 September 2007 @ 4:48 PM
Just an aside- everytime i visit the main Anthropik page, the Fabulous Forager comments number is at 0, even if there are comments already. I’m using Mac OS X 10.4.1 and Safari browser 2.0.4, though I’bve observed it on the same platform with Firefox 2.0.0.4, as well as a Windows 98 with the most current Firefox.
Hope that helps.
Comment by Archangel — 17 September 2007 @ 6:46 PM
That’s not a bug; it’s syndication. The syndicated copy on Anthropik really does have zero comments.
Comment by Jason Godesky — 17 September 2007 @ 9:03 PM
Ahh, I see. But it’s doomed to always have zero, since when I click on the Anthropik comment page, it brings me here. Is there no satisfaction for me?!
Comment by Archangel — 18 September 2007 @ 10:24 AM
a little something in ‘burgh-town for the ladies in November:
Handmade Arcade, November 2007
“Handmade Arcade 2007 will take place on Saturday, November 10 from 11am-7pm AND Sunday, November 11 from 11am-5pm.
Construction Junction (214 North Lexington Street–a couple blocks from intersection of Penn & Braddock Aves,) will host the Handmade Arcade craft show, which embodies the do-it-yourself, indie creations of a nationwide craft revolution. Over 100 vendors from across the country participated in the event.
Handmade Arcade is Pittsburgh’s largest indie craft fair, now in its fourth year. Last year, over 5,000 attended Handmade Arcade. The annual Handmade Arcade was created to give grassroots, independent crafters an opportunity to show and sell their wares, and to provide an alternative to traditional craft and art fairs.
You’ll find innovative jewelry, scary and sweet stuffed creatures, knitted accessories, silk screened prints and tees, felted fashions, hand bound books, spun yarns, stationery, ‘zines, housewares and lots more.”
admission is FREE.
i’m thinking might be a good place to check out some handy-type skills for making various clothes or other items from raw materials, yah?
http://www.handmadearcade.com/faq07.shtml
http://www.constructionjunction.org/about_us
plus while you’re there, you can build yourself a free bike: http://www.freeridepgh.org
-patricia
Comment by patricia — 19 September 2007 @ 2:29 PM
this is a pretty odd place to say this, but i loved your metafilter post about ben folds. (i’m not a metafilter member, so i can’t comment.) i was just thinking the same thing - that no one i know really hates him, so i did a google search for “i hate ben folds” and came up with your metafilter thread. just thought i’d say that! anyway, i love ben folds.
Comment by genevieve — 19 September 2007 @ 4:36 PM
You know, it’s funny… before posting that thread, I did a search for “I hate Ben Folds” and came up with nothing too. Of course, you can always count on MeFites to tell you that they hate your favorite artists.
Comment by Giulianna Maria Lamanna — 20 September 2007 @ 6:59 AM
Cro-Magslploitation, great phrase. I hope it’s ok if I use it.
Comment by benjibopper — 1 November 2007 @ 12:27 PM
Be my guest!
I should mention that last night, Jason and I finally watched an episode of Cavemen. (Yeah, I know, it’s been on for a while, but we kept forgetting to watch it. And that one half-hour reminded us of why we so seldom watch network television. I think the commercials lasted longer than the show itself, and I’m talking about a show based on a series of commercials!) He likes Nick a lot, and is very pleased that Nick’s the one who graduated from Pitt.
Comment by Giulianna Maria Lamanna — 7 November 2007 @ 8:38 PM